Things I'm Afraid To Tell You

The topic has been going around the blogosphere for a little while now, but yesterday, when I read Mackenzie's and Meg's lists about what they're afraid to tell their readers, I knew I wanted to join in! The point of this is to make our readers see that we aren't perfect, not that I assumed y'all think I am! There are so many bloggers who seem to have the perfect life where nothing ever goes wrong or falls out of place. My life is nothing like that. Hence, the name of my blog. I've written a little before about the reality that is my life, but I've never gone into detail, because I've been too scared to write about it. So, today I'm biting the bit, and going for it. Here's what I'm afraid to tell you.

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I struggle with just how much information I should share with my readers.

I'm terrified of someone coming across my blog, and for one reason or another, decide to track my family and I down. I mean, let's be honest, it's not that hard in today's world. But, I like sharing my life with y'all. My blog gives me a place where I can open up and express my feelings, and you guys are there to offer great advice, or just listen. But, there's always that voice in the back of my mind that keeps nagging about a crazy stalker finding my home. So, I find myself debating on what I should and shouldn't write about.

I constantly worry about never achieving anything great in my life.

This is something I've struggled with my entire life. For as long as I can remember, I have worked my tail off to make others proud of me. And even though I know I have made wonderful achievements in my life, it's still not enough, and I'm not sure it will ever be. This is why I push so hard when it comes to my event planning company. I want it to be a huge success. Not for monetary reasons, but simply for the knowledge that it is an achievement. 

I think my child is the cutest child ever. Yes, that means I think she's cuter than yours.

I'm not saying I don't think other children are adorable, but, in my opinion, mine is much more adorable. There will never be another child as beautiful as mine. Although, I would never say that aloud to anyone.

Speaking of children, I don't want anymore. I'm done, finished, stick a fork in me.

I don't think I've talked about this before, but the reason that I only want one child is because I know, without a doubt in my mind, that I will never love another child as much as I love M. Now, when I've told people this, they've rolled their eyes and said that I think that now, but once a second one came along, it wouldn't be true. But I know it would be. See, I wanted three kids, but the minute they laid M in my arms, I knew that was it. My love for her filled my heart, and there was no more room for any other children. I would never want a child of mine to feel like I loved their sibling more than I loved them, so I'm sticking with one.

My marriage has almost fallen apart.

B and I are not perfect. We fight like cats and dogs, and we always have. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone else (aside from M, that's a different type of love), but at the same time, there have been times when I have hated him with the strength of a thousand horses. Whatever that means. There have been a few times when I have walked out. There have been a few times when he has done the same. It has gotten so bad, there have been a couple of times where I actually thought about divorcing him. But I've always come back. The good times always outweigh the bad. He is the love of my life, and always will be. Even during the times that I absolutely hate him, I still love him.

I have suffered from depression.

This is a big one for me. Obviously it's nothing to be ashamed of, because it's quite common, but I can't help but be embarrassed. I like to be in control of things, my life included, and when I'm depressed, I have no control over myself. I get lazy, exhausted, emotional, and temperamental. Thankfully I have never been in a severe depression, but I know that based on my family's history with it, there's always a chance.

I am a Republican, and didn't vote for our current president.

I have never been one to bash someone else for their beliefs, I'm a firm believer that everyone is entitled to their own opinions. You love our current president? That's fine with me, however, I don't. I don't feel that he's made any big changes like he promised, and I feel like it's time to stop blaming the previous president. With that being said, I wasn't too crazy about our previous president, and I'm not too crazy about the Republican nominee for this year. Bottom line, I really don't care what political party you belong to, and it shouldn't be a big difference what political party I belong to. What matters is what type of person you are. And, even though I'm a Republican, I still support same sex marriage and Planned Parenthood.

So, there you have it. There are the main things I'm afraid to tell y'all. To some they may not seem that major, but they are to me. Hopefully y'all still love me! If you do a post like this, please let me know, I'd love to read it!

What are you afraid to tell us?