Waving the White Flag

It's only Thursday, and I already hate this week with the strength of a million horses.

I try hard to keep my spirits up whenever crap gets thrown my way, but sometimes, it's not so easy. I have a terrible tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve, so there are times when the stress gets to be too much and my feelings are a little too hurt, and I collapse in a heap of sweat pants, ice cream, and tears on my couch. This is one of those times.

I've written before about how my life isn't all cupcakes and rainbows, and no, I'm not trying to get sympathy. I know I'm not the only one who faces challenges and has crappy days/weeks/months/years, but sometimes when my emotions run this high, I feel all alone. 

This week has shoved me on my ass so many times, my tailbone is starting to hurt.

But, I know that things will get better. I know that my family and I will get through anything that comes our way as long as we stay strong and have faith. However, with that being sad, I'm bowing out. This week has won this battle. I'm packing my underoos and running for the hills while yelling, "Retreat, retreat!"

But know this universe, next week? I'm back with a vengeance, and your tail is mine. Next week, I'm kicking ass and taking names, and my white flag will be nowhere in sight. Let this be your warning.

Sorry for the vague post y'all, but I just needed to get my thoughts out of my head, and I wanted to let everyone know why I've been a bit MIA this week. I'll be back to my normal self come Monday! 

X's and O's 

In the Words of The Fresh Prince, Mind Ya Business

First of all, please tell me I'm not the only one who remembers this:

He-larry-ous.

Anyvajazzle, on to what this post is really about.....

Friends, we have a spy among us. Someone is reading my blog and blabbing my business to other people. And by other people, I mean my family. Now, here's the thing, I'm not ashamed of my blog. My mom and the hubs both know about my little corner of the interwebz. But, I consider this to be my sanctuary. This is my safe haven, the place where I can escape my world, if only for a minute, to clear my head. And honestly, I don't care who sees this blog. But what bothers me is when someone uses something of mine against me. When someone twists something that I've said or done and distorts it to where it makes me look bad.

Anyone who reads my blog can read all about my night out on the town  last Saturday night. I have nothing to hide. I went out without the hubs because he was working. But he knew where I was going and who I was with. I talked to him quite a bit that night. My mom babysat Baby Butterbean for me, so she knows everything as well. Basically, some people have been led to believe that I was out whoring around. Or something of the sort.

Let it be known that at least a dozen people can vouch for my actions that night. 

Here's what I'm getting at. I don't like gossip. I don't like people gossiping about other people for their own personal wealth. But, if you're going to do it, talk about something worth talking about. Don't make up shit. And damn sure don't hide behind it. If you have something to say about someone, let it be known that you're saying it. 

I'm fairly certain that anyone who has any interest in my blog is a grown ass adult. So act like one. This is not high school, this is the real world. Have a little self respect and stop trying to make others look bad. It's really no one's business what I do except for myself and my husband. I live my own life, pay my own bills, and mind my own damned business. And everyone else should as well. Because before you go throwing stones, maybe you should look around at your glass house.

How The Hell Do They Do It

Lately I've spent a lot of time thinking about this whole "unplugging" thing that everyone seems to do every now and then. Mostly because the hubs has been bitching about how much time I spend reading blogs and tweeting scanning the CNN website. He says we don't "spend any time together" and that I should "put down the laptop and watch Criminal Minds." Apparently sitting on opposite ends of the couch and silently watching tv is spending time together and if I have my nose stuck in the laptop I'm messing it up. Whatevs. He just doesn't get that I can blog, tweet, watch tv, eat hot wings, drink wine, and converse with him, all at the same time. I'm a mom, dude, I can multi-task like no one's business.

Anyvajazzle, like I said, it's really had me thinking about taking an hour or two a day and stepping away from anything technological. Just to, you know, re-group, or whatever.

And then? I realized I was talking all crazy and that I should probably see someone for that.

There's no way on God's green earth that I could do that. I would have withdraws after the first 30 minutes!! I mean, I could go a day or two without reading any blogs, but go without twitter? Not a snowball's chance in hell. My iphone is pretty much attached to my hand, and I'm checking twitter at least every 15 minutes. I have to stay in the know. I'm not 100% sure what I did before I twitter came into my life.

So, until scientists can find some way to filter tweets straight from the site into my brain, you can bet your ass that I won't be "unplugging" from it anytime soon!

Now I'm off to check twitter, I haven't refreshed it in seven minutes and I've probably missed some pretty important tweets! 

Oh How The Mighty Have Fallen

When we first moved to this podunk little Texas town, I surveyed the scenery and determined that this town was half white trash and half non-white trash. And oddly enough, everyone was sort of mingled in with everyone else. There were nice houses right next door to run down houses and no one seemed to mind. 

Mind you, I'm not used to this, so of course I turned up my nose at our neighbors who had bedsheets for curtains. I make no apologies for being a bitch sometimes.

Anyvajazzle, we have mainly kept to ourselves since moving here in April. We've only met one of our neighbors and she lives three houses down from us. And although I don't think I mean to, I've always felt a little superior to the other neighbors around us.

All of that changed this morning.

The hubs called about seven this morning and said he'd forgotten to feed the horses because he was running late, and would I mind running out and feeding them. I had just gotten out of the shower, so I was wearing pajama pants and an old fire school shirt of the hubs that had at least five holes in it, and had another old shirt wrapped around my head to dry my hair. Sexy, right? Since it was so early, I figured that our crackhead neighbors weren't up yet, so I'd just run out and feed really quick. Did I mention that I didn't have on a bra? 

I could tell that the wind was crazy wild outside, so i grabbed a cardigan out of the closet and ran out the door.

Oh, wait, I also pulled on cowboy boots and tucked my pajama pants into them. I'm so stylish.

After I'd been out there long enough to go into the shed, pour up the feed, and come back outside to grab the feed buckets, I got the feeling I was being watched. It was then that I realized that my crackhead neighbors were indeed awake, and were sitting on their back porch watching me. And they had guests.

I closed up the shed and ran back into the house as quickly as I could with my head down.

So much for feeling superior. I've spent the last half hour researching how to live my new white trash lifestyle. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be hanging out on my back porch with a Virginia Slim and a 40 oz while Baby Butterbean runs around in nothing but a diaper that's sagging down to her knees.

tis the season for valium and vodka

y'all tomorrow is december. i am not okay with this.

it may seem like i've been mia from the bloggy world, but i haven't. i've been stalking all of your blogs, just not leaving comments. i've been feeling very uninspired lately, and it's been effecting my blog, among other things.

i hate being in a funk. it messes with my emotions and causes me to have the mood swings of a ready-to-pop pregnant woman. and it's so much worse to be in a bad mood around the holidays.

i'm really trying to get into the holiday spirit, if only for baby butterbean's sake, but i just can't seem to shake this gloomy mood. as most of you know, the one year anniversary of my grandfather's death is quickly approaching, plus there are a few other things that are determined to crap on my holiday cheer parade. and, to top it all off, my teeny tiny little baby girl will be one in about 6 and a half weeks. i'm very close to losing my shit y'all.

so, i'm basically planning on wrapping myself in lights and garland, drinking hot chocolate and singing christmas carols until i'm filled with joy.

i'm going to try and pick up the slack on the blogging, and i'll make the effort to leave comments on all of your blogs!! i love all of you for sticking it out and putting up with my whining!! i hope everyone had a wonderful thanksgiving and hopefully you are all in a better mood than i am!

it's possible with sheep, why not humans?

i need a clone. seriously y'all it would make life so much easier. but, not the type of clone that is like a different person. i need a clone that i'm mentally connected with. we need to be able to have the same memories despite being in two different places at once. y'all get what i'm saying, right?

what's that? i'm not making sense? alright, let me explain.

my husband works in an industry where we move around a lot. we've been in the small town that we're currently in around 8 months, and we'll be leaving this town in a few months to go on to the next job. we may stay in the next place for 6 months or 6 years. we never know how long it's going to take to finish the job. of course i have the option of staying in one place and going to visit the hubby on the weekends and such, but i just don't want to do that. i like seeing him daily, and i like the fact that when we gets off work, he can come home and spend time with baby butterbean. but, at the same time, i hate moving around so much. i like seeing new places, but i hate being away from my friends and family. i especially had a hard time coming to this new town because we used to live right outside of austin, and i absolutely lurve austin! i may be having a love affair with austin. i love the culture, the entertainment, the atmosphere and the people. i would love to have an apartment in downtown austin. but, at the same time, i'd give my left arm to live in france. or greece. or somewhere exotic where they speak a different language. 

see why i need a clone? one of me could be in austin sipping margaritas while the other me could be with the hubby. then just throw a third clone visiting paris in the mix and my life would be perfect. but there would have to be a way where our minds would be connected so the real me could experience all of this at once.

i guess until i'm rich and i can own a loft in austin, a ranch in the texas hill country, a vacation home in italy, a house where the hubby is working, and a private jet to fly back and forth, i'll just have to stick to drolling over travel magazines.

pee ess? how would you guys feel about this being an occasional food blog? like if i posted a recipe once in awhile, or if i posted pics from an excellent restaurant? i'm trying to stretch my wings a bit, and i'd love to write about food, cause let's be honest, who doesn't love food, but i don't wanna drive my lovely readers away! anvajazzle, let me know what y'all think!   

boo hoo

friends, i have a problem. this stupid virus has come back to bite me in the ass joints just when i thought i had it taken care of. every joint is swollen and all hurty, which makes it hard to do anything, which means i've hardly been able to lift baby butterbean, much less type the rest of my halloweenie posts! 

so i'm surrendering. i'm waving the white flag. i'm giving up on the blog posts for the next few days until i feel better.

hopefully come monday i won't have such a hard time typing and i'll have some extremely adorable pics of baby butterbean's first halloween.

i hope y'all have a spooktacular (and safe!) halloween. eat lots of candy and drink lots of jello shots for me! i'll be on my couch pretending that my anti-inflammatories are actually candy corn.

happy halloween y'all!!!

snow, dandruff, paint chips and me

what do those things have in common? they're all flakes. 

remember when i said that everything changes when you have a baby? yeah, i meant everything.

before i had baby butterbean, i was always on time, always smelled good, always had on clean clothes, and always, always, always kept plans when i made them.

since i've had her, i'm never on time (literally never!), there's been four days that i know of that i smelled like vomit all day, have had to start carrying a change of clothes in my car, and have cancelled plans (last minute) at least three times that i know of. 

i, lil miss butterbean, have become a flake.

B can vouch for at least two of these times. i made plans with her last friday and then again today, and ended up cancelling at the last minute. key words there *i made the plans.* i am a horrible friend.

in my excuse, i don't trust anyone to watch baby butterbean except for the hubby, or my mom. and both of them work crazy hours. a lot of times i plan on meeting up with the hubby when he gets off from work and dropping baby butterbean off with him and then going to meet up with my friends. but, 99.9% of the time, he ends up working late, or something else comes up. i hate this.

i am *so* terrified that my friends are going to get tired of this and just stop making plans with me completely.

now, don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to be all "woe is me" or bitch about the fact that i have a kid. baby butterbean was far from an accident, she was very much wanted and planned. i just never knew how drastically things would change. and i definitely thought i'd have no problem picking a babysitter. but honestly, how the hell can i trust some random stranger with my baby!? i read somewhere that if i hired a sitter to come watch her a few hours during the week while i was at home, then i'd feel more comfortable leaving her with the sitter to go out at night. this is totally crap. of course the sitter is going to be on their best behavior while i'm there! they want their money! who's to say that the minute i leave, they don't break out the crack pipe and let baby butterbean take a hit!? seriously, you just can't trust folks these days.

so, until my baby is old enough to stay by herself (like 17, 18 years old) i will continue to try to put some normalcy back into my life. i will start getting ready to go places an hour earlier, i will start keeping perfume stashed all over the place, i will continue to carry a change of clothes in my car, and i will try my hardest to make and keep plans, even if it means bringing baby butterbean with me. hopefully my friends will understand and forgive me as i work through all of this.

so, to all my friends (B!), i'm sorry in advance. i will buy you a drink once we reschedule for the sixteenth time and  i drag my late, smelly, covered in spit up, ass to the restaurant.